drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
