Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize