are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
