I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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