Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
