just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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