You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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