the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
