Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
pray to the hookup gods
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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