Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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