i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize