69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
