It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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