Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
