We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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