I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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