When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
