OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
