Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
