I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
