you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
