I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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