Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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