fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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