Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
