Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
