he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
