There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
