You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
