i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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