just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
