i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
