Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
