the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
