will power is for people who don't want to get laid
vagina is talking i cant
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
