His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
