you would pick up someone in the library
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
