I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize