i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
