He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
