Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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