True but thats because hes a fetus.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
