Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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