i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
