I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
