I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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