hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
