Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
