do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
