I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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