just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
