Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
