Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
