By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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