I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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