And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
