He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
