I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
