The maid of honor just puked.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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