adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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