Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
