im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
