i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
