You're completely useless in the revolution.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
