highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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