omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
