you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize