We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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