$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
