we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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