We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
