How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
