Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
