Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
