Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
