Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
mondays should just be called national damage control day
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
