I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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