just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
