i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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