She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Randomize
