You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My feet surprised me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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