Why are handjobs necessary in class?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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