I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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