yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need a beard to bite.
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