Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That was an excessively violent trivia night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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