So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
