Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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