So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
