remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
