it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize