her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
