Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
