He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize