When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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