If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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