if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
