I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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