I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
