I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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