I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
