Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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