i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think people are normalizing furries
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize