My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
