lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
