think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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